xl0v3xiisxbliindx on Datingish

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Monday, 06 October 2008

xanga instead.

This makes me feel restricted to talking about my love life.
so i got an xanga.
ADD me on there =]
My id = Emabearrr_O9

Thursday, 02 October 2008

you can have whatever you like.

The weather sucks today, but hey thats buffalo for you, "if you dont like the weather in buffalo, wait five minutes" damn straight. It's off and on rain showers and then its sunny and freezing idk. Weather like this makes me think. So today, the topic was moving on.
I'm thinking about it, I'm starting to have a love interest again, which is odd, I haven't had one since nathan, and that worked out horribly. It's just different now, I'm more mature, I have better control of myself and my emotions, and hopefully, if this doesn't work out at first, I won't keep it going for two years. nate wasn't a mistake, just something that didn't work out at all, my first everything & we didnt even date. After a while he developed feelings for my friend. So I forced myself to move on. It took me soo long, and along the way I was so afraid of everything about moving on. I was afraid of giving up the two years of my life that i spent a lot of with him. I was afraid of falling for someone again. Which obviously proves how much stronger letting go made me.
Yesterday a friend of mine and I were talking about this subject how she was afraid to let go because shes spent so much time with this person and I was thinking hi i was in your exact position 5 months ago & i just now stopped thinking about him. If you're not happy, you need to let go. As much as you think your happy is being with them, if you secretly break down a lot, LET GO. seriously. I am a completely different person now. I have confidence for once. And maybe this time, this will be something real instead of a bunch of let downs and immaturity.
& im really glad this new boy is such a sweet heart, Kurt called me yesterday & when he went to hangup he goes "so can i call you tomorrow" & i said " depends are you actually going to this time " & he goes "if i remember" so i said " wow obviously i dont cross your mind that much" & he goes " Wellllll, actually you do"

& that made up for not talking all week =]
lol im such a little girl.

=] how is everyone?

Tuesday, 30 September 2008

waiting for something more.

Something I noticed about myself: I get easily disappointed lately.
Phone rings: I hope its you.
Text message: I hope its you.
New friend requests: I hope its you.
Messages: I hope its you.
REALITY: Its never you.
Blah, Thats what i really didnt miss about having feelings for someone. I always want to talk to them but never can, its like an empty feeling, ahh.
Another thing is, I sort of like this whole chasing him thing, but at the same time, i just want to hear his voice, & now I have to wait til saturday for our date :[
To me, Kurt is so perfect in every way, he doesnt completely throw himself at me, but hes super nice and when he looks at me I melt, he knows what to say at the right time, and he actually likes me back. We just never really talk. & his phones off so I cant call him. Again, I like the chase but I wish I could just talk to him.

Is it just me, I don't really know if other people dont like when people are open at first, I like having to work for what i want. How about you?

Monday, 29 September 2008

fuck fwb.

So when one of your close friends spills their heart out to you & then basically asks you to be friends with benefits, what the fuck are you supposed to say. I really like this other boy [previous post] & i did like him before i just dont right now, what am i supposed to doooo.

Sunday, 28 September 2008

What three things do you miss from your younger years?

One: Being care-free, im sick of stressing about school and work and keeping relationships. Work & School consume the majority of my time. I want to fall in love, but i have no time. I want to be able to say what i want when i want to, and go puddle jumping and play barbies with myself. lol.
Two: My imagination, Every year it seems to lurch farther and farther away. I miss actually believing my fort was a castle and that my barbies actually had lives. Everything seems so dull when you know the truth, thats why kids amaze me so much, they still have so much life in them.
Three: My best friend, Every day 9am-9pm for about 2 months, he was my everything. When he died, I didn't know what to do, it sort of forced me to grow up a lot faster than i wanted to. It's hard to think that was 5 years ago, I'm 16 and hes still 10. I'll be 17 and he'll still be 10. I grew up and left him behind, and thats a lot to deal with.

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